[After watching Ohio State’s defense get a big win out of a Top-3 battle that didn’t look the part, a vibe shift was necessary. A two-hour blast of the gas pedal later, and I’m checking out my adult season tickets for the first time]
ANN ARBOR, Mich. - The precision-jackhammer attack of the Michigan Wolverines stomped the balls off the New Mexico Lobos Saturday night by stomping and hammering with one precise jackthrust after another up the middle, mixed with pinpoint precision passes into the flat and numerous hammer-jack stomps around both ends…
Just kidding. If you’re looking for a Grantland Rice-ean breakdown of the American war game’s return to its largest stadium on the evening of August 30th, 2025 — you’ve come to the wrong place. Maybe that’s what you’ll get from here after some sporting event down the line, if the keyboard moves me so…but today’s not that day.
The debut of this irregular chameleon of a writing project named The Freebird Fanatic comes in a fitting first form: the return of my stream-of-consciousness “rants” after Michigan Football games that graced Snapchat stories through the post-COVID Harbaugh years. Like this “publication” as a whole, there’s not really any rules. The idea is just to distill the answer to “Hey Joey, how’d you feel about the game?” into easily-accessible bits. So, without further adieu…
OFFENSE:
The chatter surrounding our Larry-Ellison-girlfriend-gift of a quarterback all offseason was that he looked beyond his years (checks notes: only a few weeks into 18 of them). Perspective will sharpen as the season settles in and last year’s (lack of a) quarterback situation fades into long-term memory, but outside of dream scenarios it’s hard to imagine it being possible to feel better about Bryce Underwood’s debut. I almost never do this in a rant but the basic statline is worth a glance: 21/31 for 218 passing yards? Welcome throwing threat! He looked calm, cool, and collected, and had range in the speed of his throws. His freshman moments weren’t even 2021 JJ scrambles, they were just forcing slightly-too-tight windows — something many much older quarterbacks do.
In tandem with this, the pass protection (what I believed to be Michigan’s biggest trouble spot before the season kicked off) broke down far less than anticipated. To maintain the authenticity of these reactions despite their belated release, I have yet to review any film or analysis to confirm this — but it seemed obvious that some missed QB-keep reads were more likely a consequence of turning that option off. A follow-up on that after this Saturday’s major test is coming, no doubt.
The big breakout in these first 60 minutes of action was emphatically Justice Haynes, whose performance headlined by two (almost three) TDs proved him to be as advertised: not just a five-star by default due to where he transferred from (two-time 2024 loser-to-Michigan, Alabama), but a player fast-tracked to be Michigan’s primary ballcarrier. The fun continues in the RB room.
The wide receivers, meanwhile, more than exist. Though Marlin Klein (yes I started the WR blurb by mentioning a tight end, what else is new) was established as the preferred target for now, Donovan McCulley popped and there’s an active role for Semaj Morgan now. The reel to prove in future recruiting cycles that wideouts indeed matter in Ann Arbor began being cut on Saturday, which is a development that has been in dire need ever since the criminal underuse of Nico Collins.
DEFENSE:
The goal of recreating the likes of Mason Graham and Kenneth Grant in the aggregate held steady up front. Yes, it was New Mexico, but a broad-strokes downgrade in that area of the team not being visible on first watch after losing THOSE TWO is still very much worth noting.
It is the backfield where my biggest concerns lie among any particular position group. Yes, there was the Lobos’ entertaining-from-a-general-football-POV drive of trick plays — but they were getting busted on base-set misdirection stuff a few too many times to keep the nerves settled with a road test against Oklahoma looming.
Here’s hoping a fresh Jaishawn Barham in the second half can be consequential to the result.
SPECIAL TEAMS:
ZVADA perfect. Some cleanup work necessary elsewhere, especially on return decision-making of course.
COACHING & MISC:
The plethora of pre-snap penalties (at least, it felt like a lot relative to Michigan’s flag-minimized seasons in recent memory), hurt a couple drives and killed a couple others. Of course, there was also some ticky-tack ref stuff that didn’t go Michigan’s way. Worth moderating the above criticism with that.
With a college-calibrated Wink Martindale and Chip Lindsey who is actually walking the walk when it comes to offseason installation of new offensive dimensions, playcalling looks quite reasonable.
OVERALL:
Offense exceeded expectations, defense slightly disappointed. Plenty of stuff hopefully cleaned up before the big road trip!